Celina's Story

Celina’s Story

“Have you thought about getting an abortion?” my boyfriend’s mother suggested when she learned I was pregnant. “You’re both so young, and you have your whole lives ahead of you.”

Though she said the decision was my choice, she encouraged me to give it some thought. I was afraid to confront my parents with the news of being pregnant. All I could think about was how ashamed and embarrassed they would be…I thought I had failed them. So, abortion seemed my only option.

Two days later I arrived at the abortion clinic. I told myself I would forget the events of that day, yet I still remember what happened as if it were yesterday.

Fear gripped me as I got out of the car and approached the door to the clinic. Before I entered, I vomited. “Are you OK?” the abortion personnel asked. I nodded yes. Once inside, I paid for the abortion. “If you have a report card to prove you’re still in high school, you’ll get a discount,” the receptionist informed me.

Afterward, they led me into a room where a nurse drew blood to verify my pregnancy. I remember glancing at another girl’s pregnancy test. It read negative. How I wished I were her. Then they gave me a gown and directed me to the waiting room, where other girls waited too. Since everyone was there for the same procedure some of the girls started to chat, asking everyone’s name and age.

“My name is Celina O’Brien,” I said nervously, “I’m 15-years-old.”
One of the girls looked at me in astonishment. “I already have a child and I know I can’t take care of another one,” she said, “but you’re way too young to be pregnant.”

Lying on the examining table, I felt pinching and scraping even after being numbed. It hurt so bad; I cried quietly. I panicked, but it was too late to change my mind so I decided to just be quiet and close my eyes. I didn’t want to say or see anything that might stick in my memory. Afterward, I went into another waiting room. It was over…Or so I thought.

Things were never the same between my boyfriend and me. Each time I saw him I made sure he paid for what I went through. Soon, he just couldn’t take the guilt and blame I gave him, so he left me. I felt uncomfortable sharing my experience with anyone, so I suppressed the whole event and tried to forget it ever happened. I thought if I pretended it didn’t happen long enough, it would be true.

Five years later I met Kevin and we got married. It was wonderful. Before I knew it, I became pregnant and God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. Kevin and I held Ashley, examining every detail of her face. What a beautiful and delicate creation God has given us, I thought.

Then it hit me. What had I done six years earlier? Look at my baby. Where is the other one? Who did I think I was to try and play God-choosing who lives and who dies? Will God punish me and make me pay by taking away the life of this child? If I die and see my baby, will he hate me? My thoughts brought shame, guilt and torment. Again, I decided to push the painful memories deep within me, hoping they would vanish.

Soon afterward, I came in contact with the Women’s Center because a friend encouraged me to deal with my feelings of shame. At first, I did not want to go through a class on Post-Abortion because it would "open up a can of worms" of feelings that I thought I was controlling. When I finally attended the Post-Abortion classes, I was amazed at how it helped me and a burden has been lifted.

After completing my own post-abortion healing and counselor training, I began helping women who contemplated making the same mistakes as I did.

My experience and training enables me to relate and give practical assistance to women who are confused and hurting. I want them to know that when they feel all alone, there are people who care. Most of all, I want to assure them that abortion is not their only option.